Tips for Girls

Whether you’re just hanging out with guys as friends or wondering what it would be like to have a boyfriend, there’s a lot to learn about relationships. Every girl has to decide what kind of woman she wants to be and what kind of relationships she wants to have. In a healthy, equal relationship, you will both feel valued, respected and like equals. Both girls and guys deserve to be in relationships that feel good. Below are some tips to help you have a healthy, equal relationship.

1. Be yourself. Everyone is different. No one has to fit into someone else’s idea of what it means to be a ‘real woman’. The only standard you need to live up to is the one you set for yourself. Feeling good about yourself is the first step to being in a healthy, equal relationship.  If you like yourself, you’ll be looking for someone who will also like you just the way you are.  Be true to yourself.

2. Expect respect.  Girls and guys are equal and you deserve to be treated that way. Listen to how people talk about girls. It’s only cool to use words that show respect and value. Speak up when you hear someone disrespecting girls. Let them know that the joke isn’t funny.

3. Be a friend.  Friends listen to friends. They care about each other. They like to hangout together. There is give-and-take. Expect the guy you’re with to treat you like a friend.

4. Express yourself.  Healthy, equal relationships require lots of talking. Both of you should feel comfortable to share your thoughts and feelings. Expect to be heard and taken seriously. Let him know how you feel and ask him how he feels. Listening - really listening - and taking each others’ ideas seriously are signs of respect.

5. Ups and downs.  All relationships have them.  It’s normal to feel hurt or angry sometimes, but in a good relationship arguments can be resolved calmly, without yelling or name-calling. Work things out by listening to and understanding each other’s point of view and coming up with solutions together.

6. Do your own thing.  Having a boyfriend is great, but being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be together all the time. Both of you need your own space and time to explore your own interests.  When you spend time apart, you will look forward to spending time together.

7. Set your boundaries. Know what you want and what you don’t want.  If you ever feel uncomfortable with a guy, change the situation.  Move to another room, find your friends, leave the party or call your parents or guardian.

8. Be a role model. Younger girls, like your younger sister or kids at school, look up to you. Teach them that girls always deserve respect and that as a girl you should always expect to be treated fairly and equally. Speak up if you think someone is treating you differently because you’re a girl. Show them how cool it is to be a girl.

9. Be a leader.  Talk to your friends about healthy, equal relationships. Raise awareness in your school and in your community. Learn more about the issue by doing a school project on dating violence. Talk to your teacher about arranging for a guest speaker to talk about healthy equal relationships. Start an anti-violence club in your school or put up posters in your school. Make a difference.

10. Danger zone. Some girls think that if a guy ever hit them, they’d just leave him.  A guy doesn’t usually start out by hitting his girlfriend out of the blue.  He may start by telling you how to dress and do your hair. He may get really jealous, and try to separate you from your friends. He may insult you, yell or break things.  Watch out for these warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. If any of these things happen to you, talk to a parent, guardian, teacher, or another adult you trust.

To find out more about healthy, equal relationships and violence against women and girls, go to: www.ontariowomensdirectorate.gov.on.ca. 

For more help and advice, call the Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 or go to www.kidshelpphone.ca. You never have to give your name and you can write in a question online.